What are my motivations in life? What makes me happy? These are two questions that have come under scrutiny with me more recently. My intentions in all I do, for me, need to be clear and cohesive to the core principles with which I live my life.

My ultimate motivation is to be the kindest, happiest and most stable version of myself. Realising this is all I really want simplifies a lot of things. No one is perfect, perfection is not what we think it is, it is what we already are. We all want to be loved and be abundant. To live our lives in love as opposed to fear.

The kindest version of myself is kind to me as well as others. Being kind encompasses being generous with yourself: giving yourself time, patience and forgiveness. Doing this for others at no detriment to your own well-being is also being kind to yourself which is imperative to being healthy and happy. Any action you take, ask yourself is it kind? Is it kind to the people involved? Is it kind to you? Maybe not all the time, but the majority of our actions should be kind. Even when you think you are being kind to yourself, is it helping you grow? Is it helping you be better than who you were yesterday?

The happiest version of myself is also the most honest version of myself. The version of myself where I can stand whole and not have to paper over any cracks. I can accept perfectly imperfect me and value what I do and what I bring to others around me.

I can be me fully, without hiding anything because it’s all a part of me. The role I play is a result of who I am as a result of all my experiences. The happiest version of myself is what allows me to have the opportunity to have the happiest, loving and most generous people in my life. Those I feel most happiest giving to.

I enjoy honest relationships, because in my forties I learned to say I love you and mean it. Most importantly to myself. I’ve learned what matters and what doesn’t and when it is time to move on rather than routinely going through a cycle of the same bad treatment.

The most stable version of me is grounded, in healthy routine, habits and practices. A stable version of ourselves is self-aware. It doesn’t need to insult or affect others in anyway to be harmonious. We are enough, we are on an even keel. We aren’t affected by what others have or do. We feel compassion, not just approximate it from reading books or watching films and TV.

A stable version of a person doesn’t need to hurt others in order to feel, well anything, satisfaction, worthiness or righteousness. After all what does it say about any of us if hurting others is what makes us feel complete or justified?

A stable version of ourselves embodies what we see is what we get, we don’t preach not smoking then smoke. We don’t sell a mindset, honesty and lifestyle then behave in ways that contravene practising what we preach.

Hypocrisy is hard to live with and if it isn’t, it’s because we are not self-aware enough to see it. We have failed to look at ourselves honestly. The trouble is, whether we as individuals choose to be self-aware or not, our interactions with others bring our real selves to the forefront.

If you interact with people, often those people are mirrors. We may choose to edit what we want to think of ourselves but the consensus around is from those who are being loving and honest cannot be edited so easily. For which I am grateful. It’s difficult opinions of myself, external and internal, that have shaped decisions I have made about who I want to be.

There are situations where the people in our lives change, so those in contact with us are different from those we interacted with two to three years ago. However, if you are in an eternal cycle of people moving through your life every two to three years, maybe even every year in some cases, because retaining them and their friendship doesn’t seem to be something that is possible, then there is a good argument for developing more self-awareness. As somewhere along the journey, growth and development has arrested. Maybe priorities need to change? If they don’t, enjoy the cycle, the status quo bringing you much contentment. You have reached where you want to be and what you deserve. This is as good as it gets. 🙏🏽

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