What must it be like to be the ultimate in earnestness and sincerity? This is the ultimate challenge for most of us. Mainly because, let’s face it, how many times have we had to totally disregard our ego?
Prestigious job? Ego is default. Teaching position? Ego expected. Proud parents (not something I have been burdened with), ego automatically implied. My default of the last 10 years, minimum has been humility. But I have had a head start after being critically ill twice since 2010 and in ITU once.
What made humility even more challenging was the stupid and intellectually challenged, spoilt, common, arrogant, self-centred, overhyped, inherently disloyal, spineless, embarrassing and bitchy cousin who thought I was posting on FB whilst I was actually in an induced coma but smarts are a rare commodity and we shouldn’t all believe what our mums told us to appease us.
That aside, I have to say I am at peace. I am fortunate. No financial worries, no ties to or expectations from ego to provide me with a sense of identity m, my time is my own and the challenges I face of my own choosing. I don’t expect to be part of a couple. I’ve been married and no longer am. I don’t expect to be married again. I have no children.
My only concern is my quality of life and my own spiritual growth. A sleepless night is a challenge to me and not my medical indemnity the next day. The only moral compass I have is my own. Despite this I believe the purpose of life is to be of service to others and so my voluntary work is almost full-time.
This didn’t seem enough so this Autumn I’m back to full-time general practice. I can only hope it’s more fulfilling and less about idiotic egos this time round. Failing this I have a business plan to do more spiritual work. Either way I have the inroad to happiness and more support than I feel I deserve.
May the universe bless more with the happiness I am enjoying, may I pay it forward. Namaste to those earnest, sincere individuals who relate to me and to whom I’m indebted to forever.
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