When We Get Irritated

Getting irritated and angry is part of life. It’s part of a spectrum of emotions we naturally experience. Mostly when I get angry I take time and slow my breath but I do address it both internally and externally.

If I’m angry with someone close to me, I very openly say I’m not happy and whatever it is has made me feel angry because I think it unfair etc whatever, but I listen to the other person. With people not so close to me I stay silent and put the emotion aside. When my marriage broke down, I held no anger, I held sadness. Everyone around me wanted me to express anger, but I couldn’t find any. I felt if someone no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me it was not right to make them stay, to make them feel bad about it.

Things I’ve stopped being angry or irritated about is what other people are doing or what I perceive them to be doing. I have no control over someone else’s behaviour. Those are choices they make and it says a lot about them. I don’t personally believe in hell, but I remember a celebrity saying there’s a special place in hell for people who, in this case, don’t empower other women.

I don’t judge or think someone deserves misfortune for their actions. This is very different to someone stealing and being sent to prison. If someone did something I perceive as an insult I would not condemn them for the rest of their life. Mostly because I’m not petty and I make allowances for human nature. However, there are people I stay away from not because I dislike them but because they do not respect my boundaries. They in their anger wish harm upon me. They do not respect my choices or my privacy. They judge, mostly because it’s easier to analyse those away from you rather than look at yourself.

Denial and deceiving yourself doesn’t take you far, in my experience. Neither does holding hate and grudges. You just punish yourself. I’m not punishing myself, I feel free and light and I am lucky to do so. I feel no anger.

Recently I did feel irritated with my social media, and I decided to step back a little and make myself a little less accessible. There was intrusion in this case, some one I had not given my phone number to was messaging me as I forgot to change a privacy setting. Fortunately I’ve done so now. I was cordial and friendly but when the messages escalated to over 20 messages a day including voice messages and photos I didn’t want to see of a stranger I felt a little put upon.

So I blocked that channel of communication. I wish I could say the matter ended here and I was not irritated further, but the individual in question continued to message me so I selectively blocked there too. I’m certain I’m not the only person who receives prolific messages like this from the individual in question. Is it just friendliness, and if so why is my irritation flared?

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