(Not Successfully) Avoiding Joyless January

After the warm festivities of Christmas and New Year, I often find myself experiencing a bleak void in January. The weather is grey and dismal. It’s cold and wet and extremely easy to follow thoughts that make you feel ultimately bereft.

Procrastinating over stuff that happened more twenty years ago is pointless, but something I actively need to guard against. Unfortunately, due to bad timing I’m also reading a hard hitting novel, which is giving me nightmares. 

Every problem seems momentous and I feel easily tired and have a banging headache. The tiredness in my case could be attributed to a dozen things affecting my health., but this would just be pedantic. I have had to spend a lot of time alone and I’m sure this has had an adverse effect on my mood. 

My sleep is erratic and sporadic and I have uncharacteristically stopped using my CPAP. I just don’t have the energy to do the maintenance etc.

Imminent is my appointment with the heart/lung transplant assessment clinic. In fact when this post is published I will be a few hours away from sitting in the outpatient area for transplant assessment. 

I’m not sure how I feel about needing a referral to such a department. No one expects to need another organ and is it such a big deal in this day and age? 

My questions could be rendered null and void tomorrow after numerous tests I really don’t want and an answer I have no idea how to anticipate. I feel the appointment will be a weighing up of my worth, in general, as a human being. 

It’s odd to feel depressed and dejected knowing exactly why and seeing a pattern in your moods but being detached and watching yourself endure it as an indifferent observer. 


  1. Sending out good thoughts to you. It sucks when you get in a slump of feeling down, but I just know that good things are on the horizon! Take some time for yourself. Do something that you know always makes you happy. Let your mind be free and seize the day as much as you can. I hope for bright things to light your future.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words, I will definitely try to put them into action. The upside of feeling a bit detached is that I feel free, so definitely a good time to be adventurous and curious.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A transplant assessment must be a huge challenge to face, and I wish you well with it. Thank you for sharing your experience here.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I endure many things each day, and yet God will make a way for you, nourishing your body and healing it just believe. I use a CPAP, and have MS among many other things. The Jeremiah verse, I have seen heal many when they prayed using it asking God for healing. Saying Lord, I believe in your word written in Jeremiah 17:14, and pray it three times a day! I am wrapping you in prayers here is a poem to make you smile! God bless you dear sister!

    A Prayer For Healing

    You will ever be the love who sustains me
    The joy which will always enrich my soul
    You consistently will be the true happiness
    Which my spirit each day will seek to know

    When troubling times try to surround me
    When in my life it seems I cannot go on
    I will wait on you Lord in constant prayer
    For my faith in you will keep me strong

    I pray to you from deep within my heart
    To take my troubling illnesses far away
    For I know whenever I pray to you Lord
    You’ll send your blessings without delay

    I pray for the health of all who are sick today
    You will send the blessing of healing their way
    So that any sickness which tries to overcome them
    By your grace and power in their lives won’t stay

    Please bless all of their families this morning
    With a true healing gift which will never fade
    And we will send to you many prayers of thanks
    Which will glorify your name daily in every way

    For you are the One who provides sweet blessings
    The One who showers our lives with love each day
    And we shall faithfully believe in your power
    That its healing energy will come our way today

    You will always be wrapped in my prayers, my sister
    God Bless!
    Wendell A. Brown
    Psalm 103:1-5
    Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being,
    praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all
    your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems
    your life from the pit and crowns you with love
    and compassion, who satisfies your desires with
    good things so that your youth is renewed like
    the eagle’s.

    Jeremiah 17:14
    Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I
    will be saved, for you are the one I praise.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your post reminded of the John Keats poem, Ode to Sorrow.

    To Sorrow
    I bade good morrow,
    And thought to leave her far away behind;
    But cheerly, cheerly,
    She loves me dearly;
    She is so constant to me, and so kind:
    I would deceive her,
    And so leave her,
    But ah! she is so constant and so kind.

    I really hope this year turns out to be a massive departure from the poignant 2016 for you, your family, and most importantly, your health.

    With best wishes,

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Introspection should not be permitted in January! It is, as you say, a dour sort of month.

    Remember the Romans celebrated Janus in a temple with two doors, where the old could be ushered out and the new welcomed in.

    I hope your assessment goes well and that you get more relief for your health problems this year.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Assessment over thankfully. It’s been a long day and I couldn’t have been more thoroughly investigated. I know my options but thankfully too well for surgery now, but it’s an option that’s now open for further exploration if needed.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good. I admire your bravery, telling us what’s going on in your life.

        I’m not a religious person, but I like the writing of John O’Donohue.
        May you keep faith with your body,
        Learning to see it as a holy sanctuary
        Which can bring this night-wound gradually
        Towards the healing and freedom of dawn.

        Liked by 1 person

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