As an OCD sufferer I torment myself from minute to minute with flashbacks of memory and disaffirmations to keep me down. These are ten statements that have made me feel low over the years. A few date back to secondary school and some are a few years old. All were said in a context to wound, subjugate and offend. I hope by putting these statements here I can exorcise the extensive hold they have on my self-esteem and move on without recounting the impact they have on me everyday.
10. I feel bad sending you photos of my new nephew because you’ll never have kids.
9. I don’t want to wait another ten years, like you, to deal with the issue.
8. You were well enough in ICU to post on your Facebook.
7. You must stop blogging.
6. No offense, but even if she was a lesbian she wouldn’t fancy you.
5. We don’t invite you over because you don’t have kids.
4. A genius’ children are always idiots.
3. You were never there for your Mum.
2. You could not stand up in front of an audience like Malala Yousef, could you?
1. Do boys and girls sit the same board exams?
Ajoobacats Blog 
Reblogged this on SVM & TB Stories and commented:
It’s hard to believe the stupidity of people, well meaning or not.
My mom used to preach ‘Think before you speak’ because I was horrible for accidentally offending someone with my words.
Those words would more than wound me! I know the truth about myself as no one else can, I don’t need the ‘permission’ of someone else in order to feel bad.
A lot of years and a lot apologies later I am finally mostly out of the habit of speaking without thinking about the words I’m about to say.
As a result of that propensity when I was younger I have few friends but I have only myself to blame *sigh*.
I hope your post helps you to purge and I hope it helps others to think about what they want to say before it spews from their mouth and wounds someone.
*shaking my head*
Thinking about it: I remember the saying when we were kids, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” How wrong they were when that saying was coined. Words hurt the worst of all because the wounds can hide deep within us where no salve, no ice pack or warm hand can reach.
Good luck.
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I find myself not only lacking for each of the issues touched by these statements but I am angry with myself for not being tougher.
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You don’t necessarily have to be tougher, really, just slicker. Like water off a duck’s back. When things get really tough for me, and this is ONLY where I’m most comfortable, I’ll plug in the ear buds, turn the music on and ignore the world around me. Anyone who knows me knows they might as well be quiet because unless their butt is on fire I’m not going to answer.
Other places…I rarely go anywhere totally alone so there is always someon there as a buffer (I’m claustrophobic and get panic attacks when things are really bad, making it impossible sometimes to get myself out of the crowd without help) but when I do i keep my head down and forge my way forward.
Not the best way to handle things, and I know it’s getting worse as I get older, but it works for me *sigh*.
Try to stay social, in person, that is where the crux of my problem is. I don’t get out there and be social very often because it doesn’t hurt as much when it comes from some unknown on the other side of the computer screen.
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I don’t go anywhere alone and feel this is something I need to work on.
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I do, especially since I don’t have much of a choice.
I have to wait for an hour from the time I get off work to when my friend gets off work since I drive her home so I get that hour to freak out or ignore everyone around me. I ignore them, unless it’s Christmas then I try to find a really quiet corner and hide with my earbuds in since Christmas music on loop for six weeks is a whole lot of can’t stand this!
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I’ve had to accept that people will say unbelievably hurtful things mostly out of ignorance rather than malice. It doesn’t make it sting any less but at least I don’t have to actively be angry with them for it. Know who you are and stay strong. As a woman without children, I’ve heard many things related to that and I choose to ignore. No one can judge me or my life.
Hugs! You are wonderful.
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I agree, letting go is the kindest thing I can do for myself. You don’t need the other party in order to forgive, I just wish I was thicker skinned.
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I agree that these statements are often (not always) made out of ignorance or carelessness versus malice. Either way, we ultimately decide for ourselves what we choose to let in. I’ve found it helpful in my own past to distinguish between my “baggage” and another person’s “baggage.” When someone is hurtful it is a reflection of them, their views, their need to feel superior, their compromised experience of the world. It really has nothing to do with me. It’s their pain and their way to manage their own vulnerability.
When I let them bear their own burdens, not only is it no longer about me as a person, but I can feel a degree of compassion for them and appreciate how hard it must be to live a life where one’s identity is so fragile that they must harm another to feel intact. I feel sorry for the damage they must inflict on their own relationships and the hidden desperation that must pervade a life that struggles to love.
Put down their baggage. Be gentle with yourself for carrying it so long and smile 🙂
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I don’t think there’s a feasible way of avoiding negative judgements and criticism and you’ve hit the nail on the head: we all need to find a way of dealing with baggage in a healthy manner.
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Isn’t it odd when people project onto you their own inadequacies, fears, anxieties, they are not aware of just how much damage they inflict with the words they choose to utter. Some of course are plain malicious yet most are just not present or aware. I have one such person in my life whose emotional baggage I will not allow into my own head or space. I am a friend and a friend for life, but once you begin to inflict wounds and enter my space, I choose to let go just a bit. I recognize the struggle but I can’t allow it to pervade.
You take care of yourself, do not worry about anyone else. Tell yourself that you do not like a cluttered space, no extra furniture needed in your house(your mind) and stand strong 🙂
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I’m my own worst critic and not maintaining friendships (except for the one I have with my husband, which is the most durable one I have to date) is something I hold against myself.
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And that’s it. When we are comfortable with having that friendship we’re often just content to be. I’m very much like that but I have about 4 women in a sacred inner circle. And that is all I will allow. I have many dear friends too and that can be fun.
Don’t be too hard on yourself – allow it to happen on your terms when you are ready.
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Wow, those are some hateful comments. Perhaps some new friends?!
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I wish these were uttered by friends, but about half are from family.
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Oh my. 😦
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But facing this negativity head on has made me better about moving on.
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Then again, you’re a medical doctor, and they’re not. You have a good marriage, and some of them don’t. You have people literally all over the world who read your blog and think a lot of you, and they don’t. So why don’t they all go p*** up a rope?
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I’d just like to be someone who doesn’t make others feel the way I have felt when people have been unkind to me. I’d like to be sensitive and caring without dwelling on the negatives and being hurt easily. I’m very grateful to have had the opportunities to go to medical school, blog and marry my best friend, I just wish I could enjoy what I have without the huge cloud of OCD spoiling it.
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Alas, I have no advice for you. My brother-in-law developed OCD late in life, and it was a while before the rest of us were convinced it was really OCD and not just a put-on.
Do you take medication for it?
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Yes, been taking medication since I was diagnosed 6 years ago, but the real therapy is changing my behaviour and challenging by compulsions, so I have had psychodynamic therapy for a year now too.
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*hugs* 🙂
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Thank you 🙌
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Oh wow, those are such horrible statements for people to have made towards you. Some people are just so out-of-touch that they honestly don’t believe that statements like these are offensive. They might say things like, “Oh I’m sorry if you were offended.” Not, “I’m sorry that I offended you.”
I, and I’m sure others, have also had things said to us that, no matter how many years, or decades, go by, they still sting. I feel like it never really gets easier.
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I am more centered at this point in life of reacting healthily to negative statements, after all you cannot control what people will say, just how you’re going to handle your feelings after they have delivered their damaging pronouncements.
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Don’t allow the thoughtless, inconsiderate comments of others to rob you of your joy. Some people are not blessed with the ability to be tactful. Unfortunately, most of us have probably been on the receiving end of hurtful statements that condemn us and cause us to question ourselves. Sometimes the person causing the pain is not even aware of it. Don’t waste valuable energy pondering others’ assessments of you. Just remember that as humans we are all imperfect and will hurt one another and make mistakes. Try your best to surround yourself with positive people, if at all possible, and hope that those who have hurt you will one day come to realize that their senseless words benefit no one; forgive them for offending you, take a deep breath and move on with your life. We need to do that to maintain our own sanity. I’m so sorry you have experienced such discouraging and offensive words. I hope you will love yourself enough to let them pass by. Take care of yourself. ( :
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Thank you, that’s very sound advice and I hope very much to adopt your point of view. None of us can control what others do or say to us but I think a strong sense of self is important in order not to take everything to heart for years on end.
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