Currently I am having another sleepless night, whilst experiencing a gnawing sensation in my left iliac fossa. Seriously, any minute now I expect an Alien-like creature (approximating Ridley Scott’s interpretation) to pop its toothy little head out of my abdomen and go skittering behind the bedroom furniture.
Thank heavens I have my iPod to take my mind off it, although I’m not sure Abba’s Chiquitita is helping much. However, it has been suggested quite emphatically that the physical pain I feel is simply mirroring the emotional pain that I spend all my time denying, but surely the throbbing pain I am experiencing is just the endometrioma discovered on ultrasound last Wednesday? Can’t endometrioma pain just be simply pain from endometrioma?
Apparently not. I would be making a grave mistake if I didn’t admit to myself that I am bitterly disappointed with having yet more pain from endometriosis, particularly when almost a year ago laparoscopic surgery showed no endometriosis; something I heard the nurse in recovery saying when I came around from my anaesthetic and was later confirmed by the consultant who performed adhesiolysis. So what the hell is causing this relentless pain? Scotch mist?!
I am way beyond being surprised I have a cyst where I have no ovary (I had a left salpingo-oophrectomy in 2010), and I naively thought I had been cured of my endometriosis. I even remember the mild scolding I got from a relative for being ‘over-smart’ for having multiple surgeries for endometriosis in the first place, regardless of the fact I was and am in severe pain from endometriosis. However, I look alright so rather than being in my pelvic cavity maybe it’s all in my head; and we are back to emotional pain again.
I pick the scab of my psyche on a weekly basis via psychodynamic therapy with a group of highly intelligent fellow sufferers of mental illness. So just maybe this therapy will drain the discontent my remnant ovarian tissue is experiencing, alleviating the need for any CT guided drainage or a full blown surgical procedure. I admit imagining a small aubergine-like foreign body where my ovary should be might be having an adverse effect on my pain perception, but I wouldn’t be imagining the aubergine if it didn’t hurt so much.