Living With (Being A) Chronic Pain

Currently I am having another sleepless night, whilst experiencing a gnawing sensation in my left iliac fossa. Seriously, any minute now I expect an Alien-like creature (approximating Ridley Scott’s interpretation) to pop its toothy little head out of my abdomen and go skittering behind the bedroom furniture.

Thank heavens I have my iPod to take my mind off it, although I’m not sure Abba’s Chiquitita is helping much. However, it has been suggested quite emphatically that the physical pain I feel is simply mirroring the emotional pain that I spend all my time denying, but surely the throbbing pain I am experiencing is just the endometrioma discovered on ultrasound last Wednesday? Can’t endometrioma pain just be simply pain from endometrioma?

Apparently not. I would be making a grave mistake if I didn’t admit to myself that I am bitterly disappointed with having yet more pain from endometriosis, particularly when almost a year ago laparoscopic surgery showed no endometriosis; something I heard the nurse in recovery saying when I came around from my anaesthetic and was later confirmed by the consultant who performed adhesiolysis. So what the hell is causing this relentless pain? Scotch mist?!

I am way beyond being surprised I have a cyst where I have no ovary (I had a left salpingo-oophrectomy in 2010), and I naively thought I had been cured of my endometriosis. I even remember the mild scolding I got from a relative for being ‘over-smart’ for having multiple surgeries for endometriosis in the first place, regardless of the fact I was and am in severe pain from endometriosis. However, I look alright so rather than being in my pelvic cavity maybe it’s all in my head; and we are back to emotional pain again.

I pick the scab of my psyche on a weekly basis via psychodynamic therapy with a group of highly intelligent fellow sufferers of mental illness. So just maybe this therapy will drain the discontent my remnant ovarian tissue is experiencing, alleviating the need for any CT guided drainage or a full blown surgical procedure. I admit imagining a small aubergine-like foreign body where my ovary should be might be having an adverse effect on my pain perception, but I wouldn’t be imagining the aubergine if it didn’t hurt so much.

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15 thoughts on “Living With (Being A) Chronic Pain”

  1. That sucks it’s acting up again 😦 I had some bad pain two weeks ago that may/may not have been a burst cyst (‘fluid of unknown origin’ is all that can be determined now), and it was really f*cking painful, and that was only once. I feel for you. Will chocolate help? Doesn’t matter – eat chocolate.

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  2. I can relate. About 2 years ago, I had a nasty ATV accident, and broke my right clavicle. The bone was displaced so much, they had to do surgery. I still have chronic pain from that injury. I can only write about 300 words, before the pain kicks in. It sucks.

    I really hope you feel better. 🙂

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  3. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and for the like. So happy to have found your blog. I hope the pain is a bit better.
    I don’t have endometriosis but I’ve had all sorts of other issues with my ovaries, uterus and everything reproductive. So much so, I had a partial hysterectomy. My emotional pain often mirrors my physical pain in that mind-body connection. I eat chocolate, dark, dark chocolate :-), run and do yoga.
    I am sorry you have to struggle with so much pain. I hope chocolate and a good book help you.

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    1. Thank you for reading, I have given in to taking stronger pain medication, which is helping a little and chocolate is always welcome. I should really go back to doing yoga, but fear of inducing more pain stops me. I will however try a few simple poses and see if it helps.

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