Apparently I’m going through the wars…

Since developing Bell’s Palsy I keep being told how unlucky I am to have found myself suffering from this rather inconvenient condition. But I don’t feel particularly unlucky, as from my point of view this illness is one of many self-limiting garden variety conditions that are part and parcel of life, and as I remain alive I am not exempt from suffering from these ailments no matter what other ailments I may already have.

I lead a blessed life. I read as much as I want to, I have as many cats as I can fill my lap with, and I am shielded from unpleasantness by my husband. That will change as I embark on psychodynamic group therapy and I will have to allow myself to be examined and experienced by others with no buffer but it’s an opportunity to address the issues that have confounded me for a couple of decades.

I am disappointed by those who I am related to by blood but I’m not the only one, I just have been lucky enough to remove myself from the nastiness and the so-called duty of putting up with people with whom I do not even share a similar sense of morality. I am far from perfect but unlike a lot of my family I am not deluded that there is nothing more I can do to be a better person. I do not need or want to lie to myself to negate the need for self-improvement. Johari’s window has no meaning for the majority of my family as they cannot see past how wonderful they are.

Away from the narcissism, cynicism, meanness, insincerity and uncharitable I can be found making a better life for myself, I’m just sorry it took me this long to see how fortunate I really am.

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