When I was admitted for 9 days in hospital, it was the second longest period of time I had spent away from all my cats since 2006. Initially it felt strange to not be around them and then it felt just empty without them. I missed them so much it was easier not to think of them while I was recovering post-op as it would hurt less that I had days to go before I could see them again.
My husband drove to and from Birmingham to make sure the cats were fed and watered. The number of trips he made were irrelevant, we weren’t counting. We’ve never begrudged a penny we’ve spent on our cats or the time we devote to looking after them. Such things are unconditional in our lives. However, this concept of unconditional giving and caring is something I learnt from my husband. As a child I formed painful and traumatic memories of my father sarcastically saying how he was our servant because he had to drive us to and from school. I felt the hostility and the grudge he held against us for what? Existing? Being children? Requiring education? To my knowledge he picked the school I attended and I don’t recall being asked for my opinion at any point.
Such memories although behind me are not and can never be forgotten and I am thankful that no matter what else I do not have, some might say lack or need, I have unconditional love in my life, both to give and receive. Being away reminded me of the admissions I had in 2012 when I was first diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension and the month I spent in hospital when we had young kittens at home. It was unconditional love that got me through that admission and subsequent diagnosis. Without the cats, without a focus on something other than my needs and wants I don’t think I could have coped. Making life about those you care about as opposed to making life all about you is an element of what gets us through tough times.
I have spent the last week catching up with my cats and the comfort they have given me surpasses the pain inflicted on me by various people. I can sincerely say I feel gratitude and peace at this moment of my life. My health may be far from perfect, but I’m home, I’m surrounded by love and I don’t want for anything. I cannot be thankful enough for everything I have and everything I still have the capacity to achieve. I don’t dare moan about a thing because i do not wish to lose any part of my independence and ability to live my life as it is.
So basically today’s blog is about being grateful for everything I have and loving all those people and cats who have made me who I am today and have taught me something valuable whether they realised it or not.