Life isn’t Fair

Believe it or not, I try to live my life on a day to day basis putting a positive spin on things. I may be in tremendous pain but I’m able to self-care and read my books. I have been confirmed for admission on Thursday for my laparoscopy on Monday and this I hope will lessen my disabling endometriosis symptoms for a while and help formulate a management plan for the future.

I hope my family, who will be worried about me during this admission are reassured I’m in the best of hands. It’s ok that you can’t visit, I’ve been through this four times before and I know the drill. I will talk to you before I go down to theatre and let you know I’m ok once I’m allowed back to a bed space with a phone. I don’t have a mobile so will use the extortionately expensive bedside phone to call you when I can. I’m being admitted onto a ward I’m very familiar with, I will be given prophylactic treatment pre-op and I have faith it will all go to plan. Please don’t worry. I’ll be home soon and when I am I will try to have a better relationship with you.

I’m trying very hard not to dwell on the negative of having no contact with my brother and his dastardly unfortunate wife, at a time when family should pull together. However, I forgive the pair of you your insensitive, spiteful and disgusting behaviour, despite the fact you cannot see your faults. (I doubt being at the mosque/cemetery for my mother-in-laws funeral would make an iota of difference in our relationship today and if my husbands family can accept I was ill, and are happy with the current amount of contact they have with me and him, why can’t you?) I wish you both well and hope you never have to endure what we are enduring. I wish you the best of health and success always in all your positive endeavors. Love to the kids too, I think of them everyday and wish them nothing but happiness and health. I won’t see them growing up whether it all goes well or doesn’t as I have been banned by my unfortunate Sister-in-law, but I have some fond memories and photos and videos of them in the limited access I have had. I treasure those memories.

My cats who are a joy everyday. For so little; bed, vet and board, they give me so much pleasure. In their own way they are impeccably behaved at the moment, we’ve only had one break-in to the kitchen in the last week. They are all looking fine and I have had private time with each of them to tell them how special they are. Whoever said cats are oblivious and not affectionate is very, very wrong. They know something is afoot and they are being very clingy at the moment.

To my best friend, I really need you to take care if yourself for me. I’m going to be away from home for a bit and I need my friend back when I get home. I know you’re unwell at the moment and I am constantly thinking about you but I know how determined you are and the fact you have the potential to do what you need to turn things around in your life. You’re a fighter and a survivor and I’m always here for you. I will be on iMessage when in hospital.

To my Slimming World group. I vow to make healthy choices in hospital and return to group on Saturday after my operation to be enthused to follow the plan again in full gusto. I desperately want to continue my Slimming World journey and can’t wait to see you all again soon.

To everyone I have promised a book review, please bear with me, I will be reading until they wheel me down for my anaesthetic and normal service will resume as soon as I am lucid and can hold my Kindle again.

My blog readers, you know I’ll be in touch from hospital if a blog does form in the time I’m an inpatient. There’s a fair chance I may be overwhelmed and terrified beyond the capacity to blog, but I don’t think that will happen. I won’t be moaning about the nursing staff and food as that is too on the nose for being a guest of the NHS, for what I hope will not be any longer than 6 calendar days. I hope I find something imaginative or remotely informative to say during my stay and on my return from hospital.

To our washing machine which decided now was a good time for a breakdown, which means new underwear and night clothes for me, as I am unable to wash my existing ones at home and I’m not up to- and husband has no time to go to the laundrette, you provided us with 14 years of faithful service and we will miss you. I hope my mail order items arrive by Thursday. I will have a great time putting my analytic mind to use buying a new washing machine after I get home next week. I hope to be well enough to do the mountain of laundry that will be waiting for me post recovery.

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