Today I had my second assessment to join group therapy. The first assessment felt quite probing and upsetting to me, but this time I felt ready to openly discuss issues at the depth demanded of me. It’s very empowering I find to look at my thoughts and their origins and I came away today with a sense of satisfaction of actually starting to understand myself a little more. I suffer from depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This has affected me for many years and my OCD and depression escalated to the point I can no longer leave my house alone.
Psychodynamic group therapy will be difficult and emotional at times, it may feel very much like I want to stop or avoid it when it touches on deep sensitive issues but I know I have to do this to improve the quality of my life. Finding out more about myself and the human psyche in general is fascinating for me but I know the process will uncover pain and emotions I have tried to suppress. I want to face that pain and I want to be able to feel emotions in a healthy way. I want to find my confidence, I’m not sure I ever had any but I want to trust myself now.
My next assessment is a month away and I have been given plenty to think about today. Over the last 30 years I have had many questions about my thoughts and feelings and am finally going to be in a situation where I can ask these questions. I’ve missed socially interacting with people since I stopped working and I am looking forward to connecting with individuals at group, even though these meetings are subject to conditions required for therapy, it’s a safe place for me to start discovering myself and accepting others.