Seeking In Others What You Cannot Find Within

Often we feel we are striving for something or seeking something different or more. We look for certain traits in the people around us and are disappointed when we don’t find it. However, if we were to change perspective, what if, what we find lacking in others, is what we are not finding for ourselves within us?

For example, if you find you are not understood by those around you, maybe it’s because the core problem is you are not showing understanding to yourself. Often in difficult times we are in a hurry to find a solution to our predicament and we avoid really looking deep to see what the issue arising within us is in our hurry to solve “the problem.” If we took more time to understand where the feeling is coming from and why, we could avoid temporary fixes and make real progress to bolstering ourselves from repeating the same patterns.

In my case, I found I felt I was overlooked. My emotional needs were not being seen or understood. I felt people around me brushing over my hurt and pain. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel distress or have a meltdown because it was inconvenient. Then I realised this is exactly what I am doing to myself. I’m not acknowledging the feelings arising within me, in favour of achieving the next life goal. The hurdles I face, which will be countless had my focus. Not me.

Neglecting my own emotional needs is what brought me to a dark time in my life. No one can give you the care and love that must come from within to flourish and thrive. I am still working on that, I’m still developing my skills to be my own advocate. What you hope to find in those close to you and what you expect from them is what you should be readily available to give to yourself. The hard work is recognising this and then learning how to be THE person for you.

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