Looking Within

Recently I realised the support, encouragement and camaraderie I need comes from within. I cannot seek these in others or externally. I need to be my best friend, biggest fan and head cheerleader.

In truth, I have known for a long time I need no one to soothe or validate me. I choose to be around like-minded people. I choose to not spend time with those whose values in life are so very different to my own. By that I do not mean I’m by any means intolerant or negative, but my inner circle needs to consist of spiritual people who are positive, open and working on bettering themselves. Like I am.

I don’t have all the answers and I’m still in the challenging phase of returning to my career. I have had successes but I have had frustration. The process itself has presented stressful moments. The job is tough. Minimising other stresses to return to my field is my priority. Once I saw what was the reality of holding on to someone inert and unchanging, it could not be unseen. Everything else which doesn’t serve me has to go.

To be successful in this life I need to put myself first. I bear witness to all that is uncomfortable and difficult, I choose at this point to not react or hold onto any negative feelings. I choose to let the feelings run their course whilst I stay focussed on mine.

I don’t have children I’m not about to adopt a man-child. I want freedom from fear, freedom from walking on eggshells, freedom from abusive language and aggression. My purpose isn’t one of being a punchbag for someone who has so little awareness of self, it’s a wonder they function at all. I choose not to be in oppressive company where I feel silenced and like I cannot be myself safely. With this in mind, I choose to move on. I choose to walk through to what comes next.

I’ve left any one-sided commitment and transactional arrangement behind. I will learn and grow. My life in the last 12 months was different to my life the 12 months prior, not just due to lockdown because I’m evolving and growing. The next 12 months will be different still. I’m not stuck. I’m supported and am on a pre-ordained path I have chosen.

My path is one of laughter, fun, yoga, spirituality and forging a strong relationship with myself. That doesn’t mean it will always be smooth, but whatever it is I’m equipped to deal with what arises. It would be so much worse to stay where I am and fear a person than to move on and anticipate the challenges of life.

I am grateful to my friends who have been an invaluable and consistent source of encouragement and positivity. I’m also grateful to those who served as an example of how not to be. Those who demonstrated what being stuck can do. I’ve left a healing crystal in your abundance corner. I have no plans of returning to what I have outgrown.

My journey continues and there is no stopping it and nothing to hold me to anyone or anywhere. There’s little point howling at the wind so this is all I will say on the matter. The journey will take me to a place where I can express my gratitude by returning any investment in me. This is my commitment and I hold firm to this. I choose to rise.

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