Heartbreak

Heartbreak is a curious thing. Recently I’ve had my fair share. From feeling undervalued, to being punished for things not in my control to being downright disrespected. Luckily I have broad emotional shoulders to bear it. I’m stronger than I look.

However, it’s curious when things go wrong in our dealings with another person that the mind tries to fill the blanks. What were they thinking? Was it our fault? Could we have prevented things from going wrong? If so, at what cost? Our self-respect? Who we essentially are? Our happiness? My default is to turn the blame inwards.

Having done some work on my chakras, I know that my third chakra-manipura, solar plexus and my fourth chakra-anahata heart need some work. I could do with more grounding too, work on my first chakra-muladhara, but that’s more of a practical thing. Whereas work on my third and fourth chakra is about emotional release.

When it comes to heartbreak I actually have heartache, not an ache that has any medical implications but one that arises when I work on my heart chakra. It was getting better since my marriage broke down, but recently it has been an ache that’s hard to ignore. I’m advised release is what I need: cry, let it all out. However, I haven’t really been able to do that. It’s like I’m grieving. Nothing has sunk in yet. I’m just getting on with the practical stuff.

The mind constantly tries to distract me with activities that prevent me from facing my deep hurt. My heart? Well that thing still has faith that things will work out. I’m not sure it will. I think my only purpose now is to bolster inner strength, roll my sleeves up, grit my teeth and get on with working on me.